Fire at will.

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 23:24:54 GMT

OK after my Jazz History Discussion this afternoon I found myself getting really enraged.

So here are some more things about college that I've noticed.

Regardless of where I am...

1. The Frazzled Old Guy: These guys piss me off, they walk around like they just saw their entire family murdered by a firing squad, they have limp wrists, they never hold the fucking door for anyone. That's annoying as crap. They walk into traffic, totally oblivious. Ok I'm fine now.

2. The Hippie Rich Kid: These kids listen to OAR and pretend to be stoned when they have never even seen pot before in their life. When you say "This lecture is a drag" they say "nawwwhh man I really appreciate it man." EVERYONE is hating the lecture, this intellectual rollsroyce driving teabagger is telling me he enjoys it, sorry my daddy didn't buy me a tolerance like he did for you. wad, we'll all appreciate it when you get railed by a university transit bus. there! I said it!

3. Madden 2006 is a lifestyle, I spend my time reading and playing madden 2006. This is pathetic.

4. My guitar is getting beat to fuck.

5. I actually get up for breakfast because if I don't Maria won't eat and then she doesn't do well in class, plus Biscuits and gravy are delicious.

6. Easy Mac and Rootbeer ARE a foodgroup.

7. I've learned how to cut my own hair.

Lessons Learned

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 17:42:01 GMT

OK. I've been at college a week. I've learned more than 4 years of High School

1. You can survive on Root Beer and Easy Mac.
2. No one cares how trendy your clothes are or how rich you are, if you're an asshole people still won't talk to you.
3. Jokes that weren't funny in highschool are now funny.
4. Go to the club meetings, free stuff is your friend.
5. Buses are never on time, give yourself a half hour of leeway.
6. ipods are essential for when you're in the bumblefuck side of the campus that no one goes to.
7. pretentious frat-boy wannabes are to be avoided.
8. Watching people stumble home from frat parties can now pass for a social life.
9. Subwoofers keep you up at night, therefore are not your friend, that is *if* you sleep.
10. talk to everyone, chances are they want to meet you too.
11. don't pop your collar, people will make fun of you to no end.

Feel free to add to this!

To Give you something to go on, When I go off back to the middle of nowhere.

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 04:50:52 GMT

Well... Since now I'm on my laptop, I've got to type these entries the old-fashioned way but it's not like there's anything wrong with that. So lets get down to it.

I'm off to college in 4 days. Shocking. As cold as it seems I've been preparing myself for this all summer and I think I'll be alright away from all that is familiar. I'm most certainly going to miss my friends. All of you mean so much to me, for the most part you've been there for me, even if we haven't always been on the best of terms. Things I'm always going to remember, in no particular order. Lucca's w/ Kendra. Danceforce activities involving 3 Liter soda bottles. Being drunk in Westfield with Tom and Mike. Working on the Arbor with Dave. My friends coming to visit me at work when I worked at Burger King. Hamilton St every saturday and mall every friday with Marissa, Shaun and Chuck. Rocking out with Dan, Tom and Alyssa. Tom showing me how pentatonics worked. Playing our first show as The Broadcast. Macaroni Grill with Kendra. Being ripped and playing Halo all night w/ Danceforce. Mrs. Muratore's 6th period with Dan and Tom. Smoothies w/ Kendra. Meeting Pennsylvania Kat for the first time (fun! woo!). Dunkin Donuts with all the Scotch Plains kids. Basement destruction on New Years Eve. Swings and flying asian children w/ Spiffy Kat. Partying it up in my house while nude. Jamming with Becky over the internet. Singing the entire Killers album start to finish at the top of our lungs with Fritz. Again, drunk in public. Mudwrestling at the Pool Club. Public Speaking Class. Going to guitar center with Tom and Dave. Parties at Dave's house and waking up completely clueless. Asking Allie out at the Sophmore Semi Formal. Dan O's grad party. Hanging out in the parking lot in the morning. Mike crashing into cars. Taking naps in the German Driving Experience after being totally burnt out. Making fun of Mr. Santiago at every opportunity. Senior Prom w/ Danceforce. Chilling in Mike's pool with Jasmine. VIDIKRON!.

I've realized I'd love to see all of you right before I leave but it's impossible. So if we don't get to say goodbye, I love you all. Have an awesome time at college, be safe, and I want to see all of you when we're on break, even if i have to stay up all effing night.

Nothing much of anything.

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 05:33:34 GMT

We moved a lot of stuff today, that wasn't interesting at all. It was way hot. I don't feel like writing a lot and I know lately I haven't been great about writing in this. Mostly been swimming and hanging around town lately. Since I have nothing to do, and moving has become my primo occupier de time. Yeah I don't make sense. Is this supposed to make sense? Stop reading. I hate not having a chair in the guest room and that my computer is about 3 inches off the floor. Terrible. I managed to save most of my trinkets from my room. This room is like 95% bed. There's no room to do anything in here.

So now I'm just spacing out and listening to Bjork, Billie Holiday and Bloc party. It's not interesting at all at my house, but the tunes are deifinitely appropriate. I hung out with a lot of people tonight. I fell asleep on the floor when Tom and Mike came to get me. Huzzah for sleeping in tomorrow. College Orientation on Thursday and Friday. Chuck's Party Saturday. Hopefully that'll be interesting.

closing words..

"stick with what you know"

Hm...

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 04:42:35 GMT

Ever get the strange sensation that you're being watched?

Things tend to fall apart from within.

Finally...

People in glass houses should not throw stones.

Worked more on learning how to read music this afternoon. It's really not easy, strangely mathematical even. Did some reading as well. I've meaning to start reading Slaughterhouse Five all week but I just haven't for some reason. I've been thinking a lot about what I'm doing on my breaks from college and what not, interesting. Well then. Lets see... I also need to get started on packing some of my belongings, rooms stuff but there's enough shit in here already and having boxes plus the furniture and whatever would be really crappy.

I was in Metuchen about two weeks ago when some nameless asshole started talking to me or mocking me about some random stuff i'd written in here and my choice of behavior. Something along those lines... Anyway. What I've written in here is by all means private. You say "but it's on the internet", yeah... OK. Infact, it shouldn't be treated any differently than a one on one conversation. Atleast that's how I like to treat it. I've never posted anything with horrific detail or anything to just piss people off. Infact, the only reason I keep this is because High School is a one time thing, and I'd like to be able to print this out at the end of the summer and keep it, maybe even read it in a few years. I've got almost, ALMOST 3 full summers cataloged on here. If you're going to read this just so you can use it as ammunition against me, I say go find a better way to waste your time. Seriously, if you're going to be obnoxious, you're not worth the time you spent in the womb. I've learned quite a few lessons in the past few years, I don't need anyone else's monday morning quarterbacking.

I'm here to make sure I don't say anything controver'shul!

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 17:08:30 GMT

organized paranoia.

meanderings.

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 04:28:30 GMT

have you ever sat and really just stared at a corner so long that you see those little sparkles? boredom is such a terrible thing. it's getting so bad that it inhibits my train of thought. regardless of what people say not having a job, not having a car, not having anything to do all day, not being able to sleep until 6 AM is just a terrible thing. I hate to be depressing but I've got no where else to go with all of this. I sleep until 3pm. I go out and do nothing all night. I've become resigned to hating this. I get frustrated for no reason, well i've got reasons but I'm not bringing them up. I'm so in need of a change of perspective that this retarded fascade that has surrounded everything is just coming down. HERE WE GO MEN! TEAR DOWN THIS WALL THERES NOTHING BUT MILK AND HONEY ON THE OTHER SIDE! depressing. let see. i'm not one of those people that likes to sit around and do nothing all day. I hate being lazy. I want a job so badly is hurts. i want something to do. but it's kind of late now. I can't wait to leave here. I'm tired of sitting in my chair and playing xbox. I'm tired of not wanting to eat or sleep. i'm tired of my mom getting on my case just to annoy me. I can't wait to leave. I need to disconnect and figure myself out...

yesterday

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 15:41:46 GMT

Yesterday I...

1. Went to hang out with my Dad for a little while.
2. Went to Band practice
3. Went to Karinas house and....
Drank V8 splash with mucho Vodka
Shotgunned 4 Beers with Tom
Did 3 or 4 Shots of JD w/ Tom
Jumped in the pool

surveryvision.

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 07:51:30 GMT

Stole this from Kat Lafata. Woot.

Info
Name: Justin
Single or taken: neither I don't think.
Sex: Male
DOB: October 18th.
Siblings: No
Hair color: Brown
Height: 5'10? or 11?
Eye color: Brown

Relationships
Who are your close friends: Danceforce, Kat, Kendra.
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: No.
Did your crush send this to you: Definitely not.

Fashion
Where is your favorite place to shop: I don't know, i don't really shop for clothes. I make do with what's around my house.
What are you listening to right now: The Strokes/Pink Floyd
Who is the last person who called you: Chuck
Where do you want to get married: England.
What would you change about yourself: Uh... I wish I wasn't so cynical.

Favorites
Color: Brown/Black/Blue
Food: Ramen
Boys name: Adrian
Girls name: Kaleigh is a cool name.
Subjects in school: History/Music
Animal: Walrus
Sports: Fuck sports.

Have You Ever?
Given anyone a bath: No.
Smoked: Yes.
Bungee jumped: No.
Made yourself throw up: That would be horrible. I only puke when I mix Taco Bell, Mike's Hard Lemonade and gallons of Jack Daniels.
Skinny-dipped: Yes. All the time actually.
Been in love: Well this is a good one. I don't think i've ever been in love so much as completely obsessed, so whatever that means? I don't do that anymore because the people that I tend
to get obsessed over never actually feel the same way and I wind up wanting to puke and mix the things that I talked about above and yeah well this is a big sentence and who
gives a shit, so yeah I've been in love, but not really.
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble: Definitely Not.
Pictured your crush naked: Yeah, too bad I've never seen a girl naked. ever. I've seen charles naked, does that count?
Actually seen your crush naked: I've never seen an actual girl totally naked. It's always dark and I'm focused on other things.
Cried when someone died: Yeah, or came close to crying.
Lied: Yes.
Fallen for your best friend: I guess, a few years ago.
Been rejected: Yes.
Used someone: NO! .... no!
Done something you regret: Always.

Currently
Clothes: Lacrosse shorts.
Music: Heist and the Accomplice!
Annoyance: People that are obsessed with feeling bad for themselves. Get the fuck over it.
Desktop picture: Some old guitar magazine from the 1960s?
Book: Catcher in the Rye...
Cd in player: who listens to CDs?
Dvd in player: I was watching Hotel Rawanda
You miss: Band practice?

Last Person
You touched: myself.
Hugged: Becky, because she's going back to Michigan
You IMed: Mike
You yelled at: My neighbor for being a prick and threatening my friends.
You kissed: you mean, plus tongue and all the fun groping? Becky!!!

Are You
Understanding: I try to be, I think I am.
Open-minded: Yeah. I'm interesting in all sort of crazy stuff. You name it.
Arrogant: Mike says I'm not and since I spend almost waking minute with him or the rest of Danceforce we can trust that.
Insecure: No.
Interesting: I'd say.
Random: VERY WHOA YES
Hungry: not right now.
Smart: I guess?
Moody: I'm pretty level headed I'd say. I've learned a lot about chilling out and going with the flow.
Hard working: I could work a little harder.
Organized: No.
Healthy: For the most part.
Shy: Depends.
Difficult: No.
Attractive: maybe if the other person is terribly drunk.
Bored easily: Yes.
Messy: Yes,
Responsible: When I'm not in a self-destructive alcohol binge with Mr. Ferro.
Obsessed: With Gitar.
Angry: I like everyone.
Sad: I haven't been truly sad in a while.
Happy: Always.
Hyper: Nah.
Trusting: Yep, well with my friends I am.

Who Do You Want To
Kill: Bambi.
Slap: Fritz for asking me the exact time that everything is happening at.
Look like: Don Vito.
Talk to offline: my last orgasm.
Talk to online: my next orgasm.
Random
In the morning I am: useless and horny.
All I need is: BATTLEDOME.. actually my guitar, danceforce, my band.
Love is: "what's in the room at christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Which is Better
Coke or Pepsi: Coke, w/ Lime
Flowers or candy: If I were gay I'd want to get Chocolate Flowers.
Tall or short: doesn't matter to me.
What do you notice first on the opposite sex: eyes, hair.
Makes you laugh the most: throwing things out of moving cars... at mailboxes.
Gives you a funny feeling when you see them: my balls.
Is easiest to talk to: probably Tom or Mike.

Number
Of hearts I have broken: probably none.
How many continents I have lived in: 1
Of good friends: between 3 and 8
CDs I own: 30?
Of scars on my body: xMyheartXbreakXxXscar
Of things I regret: who gives a shit why cry over spilt milk.

Your Thought
I know: that i'm not a loser eventhough i like Blink's Take off your pants and jacket album.
I want: to have band practice tomorrow.
I have: no shame
I hate: the scene.
I fear: hardcore kids beating me up in my sleep.
I hear: awesome disco music
I search: for the guy who pee'd on the seat at starbucks.
I wonder: why the latest Alkaline Trio sucks. It's like a combination of crappy 80's punk, pat benetar lyrics, Abba's shitty synth orchestra. What was skiba thinking?

Turn on or Turn off or You Don't Care
Smoking: Don't matter.
Drinking: Don't care.
Drugs: Depends on the drug.
Good Looks: Preferably.
Bad breath: On.
Tall: On.
Short: On.
Skinny: On.
Fat: On.
Muscular: On.
Romantic: On.
Fun: On.
Funny: On.

Final Thoughts
Gold or silver: They both stink.
What was the last film that you saw at the movies: War of the Muthafuckin Worlds.
What did you have for breakfast this morning: Fruit Snacks.
Who would you love being locked in a room with: Probably that girl from Francescas.
Would you live without your computer: I'm never on this thing anyway.
Would you color your hair: no, it needs a trim though.
Could you ever get off the computer: Yes.
Habla Espanol: Claro que Si Motherfucker.
How many people on your buddy list: 211
Drink alcohol: YEAH!!!!!
Like watching sunrises or sunsets: Sunrises are nice because the day starts to get warm. It's refreshing.

Day of Infamy... sacrifice and sacrifice and sacrifice and sacrifice and sacrifice

Sat, 02 Jul 2005 21:31:45 GMT

Dear fateful readers...

I write this emergency journal entry from the Chung-Loy residence with a heavy heart.

After 9 months of dedicated and honorable service, the sacred Halo 2 disc has finally given up the ghost.

This is without a doubt, the worst possible thing that could ever happen... next to invasion by aliens with crazy looking tripod things but that only happens in Tom Cruise movies. Wait and another stunning realization. Tom Cruise and Tim Robbins fought MIGs together in Top Gun... IRONICALLY Tom Cruise kills Tim Robbins in War of the Worlds after years of dedicated service to our nation by blasting communists from the skies. If that's not irony i don't know what is.

... I am not a loser

seriously.

mike says he isn't either.

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 04:31:17 GMT

I've been bad.

Alright, this is going to be frantic but whatever lets just do it. Well. I haven't been updating. Alright case in point. OK. So. Has everyone been having fun this summer because I motherfucking have. Alright, so we had a killer party at my house a couple days ago, I barely remember anything, except maybe parading around naked, and vomiting a lot. Still, I managed to have fun inbetween. Non-Alcoholic beer sucks. Tom and I have been working on new songs for weeks now but we haven't gotten to show them all to the band yet but it's going to be fun, so definitely come to our next show, LOTS of new songs and a really refined sound. I'm really loving the direction we've been going in recently, it's like a whole new broadcast thing. Yeah it's been nearly a year since Tom and I wrote our first song, Radios Out. That'll be another reason to have a party.

Alright so if there's any questions just let me know by posting a comment or something. I've got two months left here, lets say goodbye with a bang... ;D

oh and I got a fucking ipod and i'm in love with it.

and my new guitar. she's butterscotch blonde beautiful.

(pun anyone?)

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 04:48:38 GMT

I've spend the majority of the last few days swimming in Mike's pool.

So whatelse have I been up to you ask?

So I went to Amanda's grad party. That was interesting. Then Jen and Eliza came over to Mike's house and we watched porn.

I went to band practice.
Tom and I snuck into Mike'a backyard and ran into his pool stark naked.
That was fun.

Swimming nude is excellent.

I'm not really interested in writing anymore.

Surrendering to the mundane.

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 04:03:07 GMT

So yeah... Ithis whole not having anything to do shit is killing me at the moment. I hate to say it but I really can't wait to go to college and get away from all of this. I'm in serious need of a change of pace. I have some amazing friends and we have a really good time together but it sucks that I sit at home all day and play guitar. Then I can't sleep at night for some reason... so I wake up at one in the afternoon and feel totally useless.

So I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to go find the most deadend job ever... the Golf Center. I'm then going to sit there during those incredibly boring days and find a shitload of books to read, that's right I'm going to educate myself and get paid for it. I won't even care if I have to work nights, because shit, my friends will come chill with me anyway. I'm far too idealistic.

Tonight started off in Scotch Plains, I had to go to Edison and talk to my dad about some shit. Then he dropped me off again. That's boring.

I'm boring.

breakneck beats leads to trainwreck melodies. (whatever the hell that means... i saw that somewhere)

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 07:23:51 GMT

Well I can't sleep. I can't even figure out what the deal is. I'm tired, but I just lay in bed and my mind runs wild around everything. It's nothing really terrible or bothersome, it's just random everyday stuff that I can't seem to filter out. So maybe some actual thought will help me sleep.

I woke up around 1PM today, which is... late? Well yeah but I have pretty much no responsibility whatsoever. It's really pretty sad that thinking having nothing to do could be so.. well, bad. So anyway, I sat around here and screwed around with my Mom's computer because she needed some work done on it, and apparently I have the time to do really boring shit. Tom came over and we played Halo for a while. Band practice got cancelled, and I pretty much wanted to cry. THEN! MIKE CAME HOME FROM WORK! HUZZAH. Alright so we decided that tonight would be great for sushi. So we went to Mr. Pi's, our usual place, along with Chuck and Fritz. Well that was neat. Then we went to my Dad's apartment to chill out, and watched some random TV shows and Chuck and I drank some beers, since at the moment neither of us have cars. Well he does, he just can't drive it. I usually don't like talking about cars. It makes me depressed. I want a car. I can drive, I mean, well whatever. We went to hang out in Metuchen after that. Forget the rest, it's so boring I don't even feel like writing about it.

When we were in Mr. Pi's I swear to god I thought that redheaded chick from sex and the city walked in, and I almost got an erection. Because she's amazing. My luck, it wasn't, in fact I need to start wearing my glasses, because she was, well... cute from far, but far from cute.

I went to Belmar yesterday. I also went to Benihana. Benihana sucks. I think we all know that.

All this crazy shit people are into now, like smart profiles, and myspace and facebook. I want to puke. myspace is cool for like... 2 minutes? then it's like wow, this is horrible. I swear to god there are people that live on that shit and must just find random people to be friends with. How the fuck do you have over 600 something friends? It makes no sense. Not to mention the lame pictures with people with their faces half cut off, at an angle, or not looking at the camera, or something retarded. Shoot yourselves. Take a cool picture. something with sunglasses... or beer... or maybe both, because that's even cooler. I have some sweet sunglasses now. They were $5. I love Variety Village.

I've gotten into this habit of watching Late night w/ Conan Obrien. It's an interesting show.

I called Kat Lafta when Mike and I were driving around aimlessly and she was like "fuck you i'm going to sleep.".. well that's not verbatim but we were in the area and bored.

my fingers feel like jello.

I think i'm going to try to wake up at a Sane hour tomorrow and fight how tired I'm gonna be just so that i can get back into a normal sleeping pattern.

Let's hear it for Green Beers!

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 03:38:46 GMT

Ok.

So now that I'm chilling w/ a good imported friend of mine, Becks. Yes, the beer in the green bottle, and by far, my favorite. I even have a little koosh thing to keep it cold! I'm loving it.

Alright, so today I woke up at around 1PM? Tom and Mike came over and we played Halo, I had to finish some bullshit registration stuff for college but otherwise my day was stress free. So after a good two hours of Halo 2, we went to Francescas, our pizza parlor of choice. Well it was awesome to say the least. We were joined by Mr. Charles Jammal and Katherine Lafata. It was fun indeed. Tom had to go to the bank, so yeah.. We hung out in the parking lot. After a while I had to go to the bank to deposit some chump change.

Right-o, so after that I went home, showered, packed up my guitar and headed to Westfield for a haircut. I had to wait for a good half hour but I let my mind wander. Well after I returned from my outer body experience I did that whole hair slicing thing. Then i went to band practice and it was awesome even though Dan couldn't make it due to work obligations. Tom and I hit up McD's and then I came home.

So let's sum this up.

Green beers are awesome!
I'm in a fucking great mood!
I love short journal entries.

Send Me a Signal.

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 05:37:53 GMT

I spent a good hour and a half alone in Westfield running through random thoughts, lately it's been a lot on relationships and how I've been floundering lately. There's been this girl, lets say... it's been months and months I guess. Well I guess there comes a time in every search where you just have to give in to the fact that you're vying for the impossible, some things aren't meant to be. I guess I've tried every means to win this girl [back?] over and it seems like there's no chance at all. I can truly say I've tried to be as thoughtful and selfless as I can possibly be and i've really really tried. However it looks like this has been a big loop and has gotten me absolutely nowhere, atleast as far as I can tell. It seems like stuff like this happens, and the other person doesn't really realize what they're doing but it's terrible, I mean I wish she'd just let me know there was no interest before i spend all this time and energy. I'm not really angry or depressed or anything it's just such a big let down. I guess it just gets to me when I see all these dudes w/ girlfriends and they're all happy and what not and I just wish I had that sometimes, actually a lot of times. So brass tacks, main idea, I'm changing focus and moving on, because this is becoming pathetic, my friends have been telling me this all along and I should have listened. Let's close with some lyrics...

I really tried, to be what you wanted
but it all went wrong
again
I made a vow to carry you home
if you fall sick, if you pass out..
-Bloc Party

Well after all that depressing thought, maybe introspective is the word for it? I went and bought the Bloc Party CD and the ROONEY Cd, YEAH! It's pretty radical and has given me some inspiration for guitar. Tom and I went to Guitar Center, checked out some really awesome guitars and worked on songs. I want to have band practice really badly but unfortunately Alyssa has Prom and lots of crap to take care of and that's understandable. Hopefully we can practice once this week. Tomorrow, or later today, (Wednesday), Tom and I are going into Westfield to play Acoustic guitar for money. That should be an experience.

I'm thinking this summer we're going to do a lot of crazy shit, and live a little bit. We're only going to be this age once, and we can't be bored. Atleast I'm never really bored. So, with any luck, things will go well this week, an actual haircut on thursday followed by a band practice. Completely awesome.

Like Drinking Poison. Like Eating Glass.

Mon, 23 May 2005 22:06:08 GMT

It's certainly been an interesting few days. I'm graduating in like 3 days which will be an interesting experience, and like I said previously prom was a lot of fun and I'm usually not one for club music and dancing.

Lately I've been doing a lot of aimless drinking around w/ Mike and others. Last night I hung out @ Luccas w/ Kat Lafata, Outback, Mike and Rosy. It was good times. We met up with Charles and Amanda and had a good time. For some reason the words just aren't flowing, but heh whatever, as soon as I figure out what I want to write about I'll do so. I sat around this afternoon and learned some guitar solos and watched some old tapes, nothing particularly exciting. I've done a lot of thinking and what not.

Reptilia's guitar solo blows my mind.

Shoot Me

Sat, 21 May 2005 03:57:27 GMT

Prom was great.

Mike's House was fun.

Everyone left and Mike and I got Sushi and watched Star Wars Ep III.

Lets hear it for Prom Weekend.

One of those moods.

Thu, 19 May 2005 01:39:06 GMT

Lets see, today was almost painfully mundane.

I went to school and helped with this Freshman Spirituality Day thing and that was somewhat interesting but all the freshman in my group were either totally retarded or forgot to take their Riddalin this morning. So after dealing with three hours of that crap we got FREE pizza and I got to pick up my graduation gown thing but it was too small so I had to leave it so that they could get it changed. I guess I learned something today, it's weird how much you can change in 4 years, I hardly remember being a Freshman and now I feel old but not necessarily more experienced, just more emotionally mature. I mean, these kids see coke addictions and suicide as funny things, but they are very real. Real people die from those things every day.

We talked to some of our former teachers after that pizza and what not, and Chuck had to go home. Mike and I picked up Tom and played Halo and got random stuff done. We had to drive Tom to some appointment so afterwards mike and I drove around aimlessly. I wonder where all the time goes. At 630 I had to go pickup my Tux and what not.

So here I am. Sitting here with a tux infront of me, a corsage receipt on the desk, and absolutely no desire to go to prom tomorrow. It seems like theres too much drama and crap revolving around it. I don't even know what my apprehension is. It's one of those things that you know you just have to do. I'm sure i'll feel better about it tomorrow. I feel drained today, just emotionally spent. I don't know why even, and I'm not one for depressing entries. So when things get rough, break out the old Blink182 CDs. Dude Ranch will help keep the spirits up.

I don't even know.

New Summers Resolutions.

Fri, 13 May 2005 01:13:24 GMT

Ok. So I have to finish this paper for Euro

I'm practically suffocating because of my allergies/hives what not.

I wish Alkaline Trio's new CD was as good as Infirmary.

I'm tired of people trying to prove themselves.

I need to survive prom and graduation, then i'm going to start fresh.

That's all.

So here we are...

Mon, 02 May 2005 23:24:04 GMT

Well...

final week of high school as we know it. It doesn't feel any different than any other week. The workload sucks but there's a certain comfort about having so much to do that you can't think about anything but finishing this rediculous amount of work. I'm definitely feeling productive, problem being that I could sit here all night and listen to Bloc Party. This band is so awesome, there songs can go from straight-forward dance/rock stuff to this airy-intrumental soundscape stuff, I'm totally digging it. Anyway, nothing has happened during the week, things have been quiet, which is nice. The talk in school was all like "OMFG WERE YOU AT BAMBOOZLE!?!" and I was like "no...", needless to say they were shocked. What the hell. I remember back when emo wasn't even cool, now it's like... commericialized girl-pants white belts and dyed black hair. I don't understand at all. Maybe my musical tastes have changed a lot. Anyway, we had band practice today, which mainly consisted of rearranging the practice space and putting all our shit back together after those two back to back shows. It was fun, as always.

Any how, I figured I'd update since it's been a while. People really should comment more.

Pablo Neruda's poetry really isn't that bad.

Hi! Everything's great.

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 03:54:11 GMT

Things are going really well.

Dan O'Halloran is now officially the Broadcast's new bass guitarist and Tom, Alyssa and I are really glad to have finally found the right match. We played two shows last weekend and the new instrument/player has added a whole new dimension to our sound and everything sounds much more full. Our days as a three piece are officially over. We even got a live CD from our show on Friday night, so we'll probably give that out as a really raw live demo disc. I definitely think we're more of a live band. Anyway, I love my bandmates and everyone who comes to our shows and stands in the front supporting us. Couldn't have done it without the fans.

I'm going to prom with Spiffy Kathryn so that's gonna be an experience, especially the after party but anyway she's amazing because I'm a loser and don't even belong at prom or whatever. Danceforce -> pink tuxes.

I'm actually doing decently in school, only like 11 days left and I'm estatic.

Halo fest this weekend with THREE televisions, which is gonna be awesome.

The Broadcast vs all

No practice this weekend as Alyssa's gonna be on vacation, no idea when she's coming back, sucks but oh well, no shows for a little while so I guess it's alright for us to relax.

I have detention on Monday.

Checking out of the Hotel California.

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 14:47:05 GMT

Interesting past couple of days. They've pretty much all been good. Nothing really too special worth a huge mention. Band-wise we've been getting ready for our back-to-back show weekend. That'll be interesting. My report card came in and that wasn't so fun, especially since my parents are crawling now my neck about my physics grade, C+ is a fucking accomplishment. So my quest for a summer job is now fully underway, I'm looking at working with Mike and Chuck this summer at the hospital, hopefully that'll be fun. It's funny because where you can find one of us, the other two usually aren't too far away.

My mom wants me to put away $500 worth of summer pay to get a car. I just laughed, you know it would have made sense last summer but I guess my mom feels I'm more responsible now. Lets get this straight, the mentality around here is that I have to prove myself. I persoanlly think that I'm way more mature than a lot of kids my age, I handle stress well and I can stay calm in most circumstances. Yet my mom still didn't think that was enough. Give me a break, I'm not buying a car, I don't care if I sit at whereever my entire Thanksgiving break. It's a crock of shit, I could have used my license a year ago, now it's useless. I won't even be at home on my 18th birthday, so what the hell is that?

Last night was fun but uneventful. The night before that pretty much revolved around finding a good sushi restaurant.

I'm tired of writing in this.

This place is void of all passion if you can imagine... I miss you so much.

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 04:43:34 GMT

It's not suprising that break is now over and after nearly 11 consecutive days of poor sleep habits, i can't go to bed at a normal hour. Not like I can go to sleep at 3AM either. Seems like this is a pretty scary time, college is only a few months away and I'm not even excited, prom is even closer and mike and chuck are like "you're going with this girl!", but call me a romantic or a loser, whichever synonym you want to use, but I guess prom was supposed to mean something to me, and it's like a month and a half away and I don't even know what to do, I pretty much fucked myself in terms of people, so I'm out of meaningful people, and a I have no idea, i just ramble. I guess there needs to be some kind of way to justify all of this.

Lately I find myself missing people that I normally wouldn't, I guess i'm trying to find comfort in the smaller things. I guess the bigger shit isn't working out really well. Grades aren't great, high parental expectations, getting into college wasn't enough for them apparently now they have to give me more shit, honestly it seems like too much. I know what I want to do yet I'm too young to know what's really right for myself. I don't even know.

I can't sleep. I've got too much swirling around in my brain right now. I was telling Kat earlier how I have so much to say but I can't put it into words. I'm sure after all this time I could have found them but as they say, words fail me. It's a scary proposition that in a few months I won't be laying in the bed I've become so used to. You really have to admire the words of the great poets of old times. It seems like such a keen grasp of language is an awesome power. I just admire it. How do you come to grips with the fact that you may never see someone again? How do you deal with the reality of friendships lost? How do you deal with the every day reality of death? How do you tell someone how much you care? They seemed to really know how to answer these, and even now I'm dealing with these same questions and I'm completely and totally lost.

For some reason I feel totally listless, there has to be something out there to find comfort or security in, friends and stuff are great but there's got to be something deeper. Oh well, livejournal helps. It's good to vent this type of thing, or so they say.

Rules, and Maps and Guns. Behave yourself!

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 06:37:13 GMT

As of now there are 221 entries in this journal. That's a lot.

I wanted to shoot myself, today I went to Target, and Walmart and Home Depot. That was a damn shame. Went to the diner for breakfast, the hardest part was getting out of bed before 12:30 in the afternoon. I came home and tried making plans for tonight but that fell through because Charles became inebriated and I fell asleep somewhere in there.

I was watching some movie earlier, because I woke up form my nap at about 10 PM. I'm almost glad to be going back to school.

I'm definitely a huge fan of The Shawshank Redemption, this quote is about the best fucking ever.

"I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it."

How can you not like that?

Report cards soon = thumbs down.

Mike's back from the Bahamas.

Dave's dog buddy passed away over the weekend, sad, I'm gonna miss seeing him when I go there.